Whereas of the 70% who chose to let their baby live, none had regrets. Later I read that women like me, who abort after sexual abuse (=less that 1% of all abortions) that 80% of us regret our abortions. I also cut myself off from my emotions, as the guilt was too much to bear, causing problems in relationships later. I had immense guilt and remorse, after realizing what I had done.
HOE WEET JE OF JE ZWANGER BENT EERSTE WEEK SKIN
How can we look at these pictures, with intestines, ribs, brains, heart, backbone etc, and not call them a human being? Life starts at conception – all the genes, and sex are in the first cell, hair color, skin color, etc., which keeps on expanding to 2, 4, 8, 16 cells etc., on until adolescence, when our children are fully grown. I came to this awareness after seeing videos of an abortion, seeing a 12-week-old baby react to the instruments inside the womb, and seeing the awful pictures of these little humans, where we pull off their arms, break their legs and pull them off, squash their skull, suction out (parts of their) bodies, brains, decapitate them, etc.
If I had realized then, what I now know, I would never have been able to ask to have my baby killed. Looking back, I regret my abortion after the rape, and the morning after pills I took later in life. They offered a wheelchair, but I grit my teeth, saying to myself, "I wanted this, so grin and bear it." I bled profusely on the drive home, having to stop every now and then, dizzy, and was in absolute agony. I was allowed to go home, but the pain was unbearable. My stomach felt as if every inch had been scraped open with a sharp razor blade. The other women were now silent and groaning with pain. In agony I gripped my tummy with one hand, doubled with pain, while with the other I fumbled my way along the dark corridor wall, back to my bed in the other room. When I came to, I was loudly told to stand. He roughly grabbed my arms, which they strapped down, and forced a needle into my arm.after which I don´t remember much.I passed out. But I felt terrible and vulnerable due to the privacy, and even more so as the abortionist became very angry and agitated when the nurse discussed something with him, and he started to yell at me, saying I had already signed a consent form, hadn´t I? And that I was holding up the flow of things. I have a baby inside of me!" The nurse accompanying me reassured me, saying, "It's ok - other women have that thought too at the last minute - you’re doing the right thing," after which the doors opened, and I walked into a brightly lit operating room, where I was told to lie down, and place my legs up high in the stirrups. In the lift later, when I was going upstairs, I placed a hand over my tummy, finally realizing I had a child inside of me, and said, "I'm a mother. As they spoke of their pregnancies, morning sickness, and why they were killing their babies, I began to think. I did my best to stuff my emotions, signed a paper, received my number, and joined some eight women lying on beds in a room, waiting a long time after inserting something and changing into an operation garment that was to remain open.
It was as if death hung as a cloud in the air above me. I felt very uncomfortable waiting in the hall with black-white checkered tiles, watching the minutes on the clock tick by. My abortion took place in a cold, sinister old mansion. I was advised to go for an abortion, mentioning that it had to be done quickly, as it was on the verge of the time it was allowed to be done legally.Numb, and only focusing on all the fears, I went ahead… "Oh no!" Shock, disbelief, fear and turmoil gripped me. But after a 6-week roadshow, a visit to my family doctor informed me I was pregnant. Afterwards, I clutched my coat tightly against me, so no one would see my ripped clothing underneath.Īlthough my body started to change, needing larger clothes, I believed I was not pregnant, as the initial pregnancy test came up negative (not enough hormones yet). I realized death was imminent, so in a split second I chose to let him have his way with my body, so that I could stay alive. His strong arms gripping tightly around my neck, strangling me, choking me, left me gasping for breath.
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